The Mind of Absolute Trust

I'm a bit restless tonight. After being a sleeping reina most of the weekend, my mind is turning circles and currently keeping me from the long slumber I thought I would enjoy for a third night in a row. You know, the irony of feeling more at home, more safe, more secure, and definitely more social in South America is that the trajectory of my future at once seems more uncertain. Will I stay or will I go now? And if I go, will it be home to which I return? In recent years I have made peace with, and come to appreciate, that life is unpredictable, unplannable really. I think there's a lot of beauty in that. Often sorrow too. My plan--if there really was one--was to fly away for two years and return to my family, friends, dog, job and condo when my contract was up...perhaps that will still be in the stars...and perhaps not.

So, the thing about being this Highly Sensitive Person (which, hey, comes with some kick-ass super powers) means feeling emotions intensely. It can be pretty rad because when you feel intense emotion you also feel tanto alive, right. It can also be exhausting, all of that intensity. Trying to turn my mind off while all sorts of competing sentiments course through my veins is really cramping my sleeping style here. Perhaps the silliest part of the deal is that I don't have to make any decisions tomorrow, or the next day, or next month, yet already I am reeling.

Por eso I turn to books. Sliding open my nightstand I find ten poems to last a lifetime, gifted to me many years ago from one of my dearest friends, Kelley. The poem that catches my eye tonight: The Mind of Absolute Trust by Seng Ts'an. Working on internalizing the words, and they're worth sharing:

The Great Way isn’t difficult
for those who are unattached to their preferences.
Let go of longing and aversion,
and everything will be perfectly clear.

When you cling to a hairbreadth of distinction,
heaven and earth are set apart.
If you want to realize the truth,
don’t be for or against.

The struggle between good and evil
is the primal disease of the mind.
Not grasping the deeper meaning,
you just trouble your mind’s serenity.

As vast as infinite space,
it is perfect and lacks nothing.
But because you select and reject,
you can’t perceive its true nature.

Don’t get entangled in the world;
don’t lose yourself in emptiness.
Be at peace in the oneness of things,
and all errors will disappear by themselves.

If you don’t live the Tao,
you fall into assertion or denial.
Asserting that the world is real,
you are blind to its deeper reality;
denying that the world is real,
you are blind to the selflessness of all things.

The more you think about these matters,
the farther you are from the truth.
Step aside from all thinking,
and there is nowhere you can’t go.
Returning to the root, you find the meaning;
chasing appearances, you lose their source.

At the moment of profound insight,
you transcend both appearance and emptiness.
Don’t keep searching for the truth;
just let go of your opinions.

The whole poem is powerful and deserves multiple readings, but the last lines are the kicker tonight. Don't keep searching for the truth; just let go of your opinions. Let that be my mantra now...