Quito to Shenzhen ... Siga no más

I felt a bit like F. Scott Fitzgerald titling The Great Gatsby as I was trying to title this blog post. How do I summarize three years in South America? Do I go straightforward with La Vida Ecuatoriana, or sentimental with I take a piece of you with me? Do I pull you in with the more humorous side: I came, I saw, I shat (thank you for your thoughts, Greg Webster)? Or I could err on the conclusive side with Ecuador: The Last Chapter. It was in chatting with Nicole, the namer of all things (like my Chinese cat who I will call Patacón) that a title came to this post. Quito to Shenzhen ... Siga no más.

All's quiet on the Ecuadorian front here this evening as I try to put my thoughts together. I did battle with myself a bit ago ... do I go out or stay in tonight? I'm on a cooking strike; my brain has no room to consider how to put ingredients together in anything edible this week, but it looks like it will be Nutella for dinner because as much as I want to spend time with my people, I am trying to process that this South American chapter is nearly written. I am nearing the conclusion.

In nine days I board the plane bound for my 1st home. Usually it is about this point when I break out my suitcase and begin packing a little something each day in anticipation of the summer really starting. This evening I am simply staring blankly at the unusual disarray that my home has become. Dishes are piling up, the coffee table is full of clutter ... stuff is just floating all around. It is rather indicative of the way apprehension and excitement and a certain sense of mourning are rolling around together inside of me.

For the past several months, I have been trying to memorize the landscape, to commit the view from my apartment window to memory. The way you may gaze at your little boy, trying to remember always exactly the pucker face he makes when sliding a slice of a green grape into his mouth, I have been gazing at the mountains that I can nearly touch from my terrace. Will I remember the way the sun beams in a streak through one of the valleys as it is setting after the rain? And the way that you are amused with your little girl as the mischievous glint in her eyes appears as she creeps towards the dog's tail, and you want to pocket that moment of her exploration for always, I have wanted to zip up in my heart the sounds of my friends' laughter and the shapes of their smiles.

Each night images from the 1st year, 2nd year and this 3rd year float into my consciousness, bringing nostalgia for a place that I have not yet departed from, bringing tears to well up in my eyes, and bringing a smile to turn up the corners of my mouth. In the same fashion that you plan your daughter's graduation as so many memories of piano recitals with their off key chords and melodies dance together towards the sleepless sheep as you lay awake pondering where all that time went.

I think there is sometimes a misconception that people leave a place to find themselves. I was already found when I came abroad three years ago. In fact, that was largely what led me abroad, the ability to listen to myself and my own intuition, the understanding that I do know what I need most. Deep down I knew I needed the travel and culture and trials of life abroad to push my boundaries, my worldview, to grow and evolve. Rumi has these beautiful words: When you let go of who you are, you become what you might be. The essentials of Jamie still exist here. I am still quirky and spunky, and a bit passive-aggresive in true Midwestern fashion, and sometimes anxious, and, of course, still obsessed with chocolate. But what I have let go of, what I have largely shed, are insecurities, those pesky self-doubts and residual uncertainties left over from my 20s.

As we are reflecting on experiences, on entire epocas de nuestras vidas, I think it is important to ask ourselves "What is the takeaway?" I love this question ... so much that by year's end my students groan when they hear me utter the word "reflection" or "reflectionate" as they have endearingly written. Seriously, though, what is your takeaway from the last week ... the last month ... this last whole year? What were your most profound "ah-ha moments," as my sweet student Noor would put it?

As I prepare to set sail from this South American life, I have profoundly learned how important it is to fall in love with yourself. My time here has largely been about deepening my relationship with myself. Just as I did not see Quito as so lovely when I first landed, I saw so many flaws in myself as well. But, as time went on, I began to see more of the beauty around the city. I forgave Quito her flaws and quirks -- all of those buildings under construction, the smog that puffed out of the back of the buses, the inefficient lines at Supermaxi -- and I fell in love with Parque Metropolitano and Carolina and the mountains that surround this city. And the thing is, both the flaws and the beauty are always there, juxtaposed against one another, but my eyes no longer pick at those blemishes and shortcomings. In a similar manner, I arrived to Quito, well into my 31st year, with those insecurities from my 20s clinging like a sticky residue. Am I pretty enough, smart enough and strong enough still hung around me like stale air at times. But with the weeks, I observed myself problem-solving, learning, growing and evolving, and the self-doubts have largely been wiped away, leaving a mirror free of smudges and streaks, revealing a truer reflection. Rumi comes in again as he articulately said "Close your eyes, fall in love, stay there." It is liberating to sit here and be able to confidently write that I love my smile and my body, my spirit and my strength so wholly.

I think oftentimes we are waiting for the next big thing to come along -- the nearly perfect person, the next big break, the next best job. As it turns out, I am the next big thing, and I've really come into my life. That's a big takeaway ... a fantastic takeaway.

As I begin to pack up my cozy Ecuadorian apartment, and as I begin to say nos vemos to my treasured friends, the following is a tribute, a grand salud, to the moments and memories, and faces and places that have made Ecuador one kick-ass, keep me on my toes, drop me on my booty, stir my soul and grow my heart experience ...

Cue Pharell Williams here, because Happy was my first year ... and 2nd year ... and 3rd year ... and happy is life.

Year One

My first trek with Paypahuasi to summit the four peaks of Pichincha did inspire a true love for these Andes.
Gaze into that horizon: never was a clearer vista seen atop this active volcano.

Hannah and Eric came back from Christmas with me to celebrate the New Year in Quiteño fashion.

Michelle hosted her birthday party. Her home turned French cafe was still the best dinner party I have attended.

Another of this night to note that there were indeed moments in this dry country that I was surrounded by handsome men.

Cuyabeno, the part of the jungle where you can catch monkeys having a smoke.

Summiting Imbabura with Alli and Andy -- our treks together were inevitably sleety and snowy, but spent in great company.

Ah, the Bachelor Pad. The site of many shimmies.

The best beach vacation award goes to Puerto Lopez. This was reason 97 that I knew
Michelle and I will be lifelong friends. Food fears us.

Mindo. The land of chocolate and ginger beer and the end of year despedida.

... and sometimes after eating too much chocolate the shenanigans turn to this. 

Year Two

A year that began with a trip to Argentina with my NieNie. There were many magical moments,
but our 8-hour cooking class in Medoza with Jose takes the cake.

Room with a view. My apartment for the 2nd and 3rd year has taken my breath away daily.

Sunsets have been sensational.

Bacichx together in Ecuador ... I got them to visit by bribing them with shopping trips to Otavalo and Cotacachi. ;)

Mascarilla for Melisa's (Ana's niece) Quinceañera.

Dinner parties with this bunch: <3.

Mom and Dad's 2nd trip to Ecuador landed us in the Galapagos with the Reuter's and Saumweber's
... allowing us to set our eyes on ancient tortoises ...

and besitos between mamas and babies (photo credit Bruce Rueter) ...

and the famed Blue-footed Booby, (photo credit Bruce Reuter) and so much more ... 

When Gina came to visit, ceviche in Guapalo made us this happy.

Quaint Cuenca. Get your Panama Hat here!

Mery, first my Spanish teacher, and then mi querida amiga. Eres una tesora, Mery.

Year 3

Those Saturday mornings when you can wake up, grab a happy camper, and hike up Rucu.

Just enough cooks in the kitchen ... cooking in the ocean air of Portete ...

... after having swum in the warm water while watching the sun set.

Corazón and the celebratory chocolate we looked forward to at each summit.

Cayambe. All the way to the cumbre. I still get butterflies looking at this and pondering our feat.

That time I led us up a creek in Vilcabamba after our weekend got extended because we could not fly out of Loja due to high winds and then Michelle had to figure out how to get us back to the hostel. Boom.

I finally got Dad onto some Ecuadorian mountains. Rucu again.

A trip to the hospital didn't keep Gram down for long. An extended vacation meant more dinners and a trip to Old Town. 

Fancy cocktail parties with this goofy crew. ¡Voy a extrañarles muchísimo!

I am at a loss for how to even caption this to capture the marvel of this trip. Machu. Picchu.

Pillars of Light, part of the democratic architecture in Medellin.

Sue, the saver of my school sanity, and Chris, the Grandma appointed Handsome Man.

Nicole and Lolita in our favorite park filled with fresh air and eucalyptus trees.

Nothing makes the earth seem so spacious as to have friends at a distance; they make the latitudes and the longitudes.
--Henry David Thoreau

Cheers to Quito and to soulful friendships, to loving and to life ... 

and to a Sojournista's continued life abroad.

Siga no más

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You will never be completely at home again, because part of your heart will always be elsewhere. That is the price you pay for the richness of loving and knowing people in more than one place.

--Miriam Adeney